How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
