apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
