Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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