I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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