Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
