i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize