My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
