but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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