when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
