Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
