I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
