just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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