I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
