Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
