well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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