We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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