No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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