so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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