I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
So. Much. Porn.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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