JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
