Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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