I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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