i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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