Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
