Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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