i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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