Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
