My brain says no but my pants say off.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
