her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
