I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
