Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
