I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
