I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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