Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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