grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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