party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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