i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
