i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
