I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
