News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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