you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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