Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
