I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
