last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
