Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
