In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
