____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
