Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
