A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
