it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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