Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would fuck him just for his dog
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
