Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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