you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
