what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
