I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
