I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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