Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
