You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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