we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
