Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
