When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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