dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
