Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
