I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
