Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
