Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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