she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
