i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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