Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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