i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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