Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
