Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
