It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
